Was not myself on my way home from SM north. I was trying to make sense of all the emotional stress… Maybe giving myself a dose of my handy self pity and one quick ‘out of place’ tablet. Then a story was running in my mind about deception and betrayal. I was walking down the long-ass walkway from SM to MRT station when I realized how inspiring my scene was. Already feeling low after a few dosages of my handy emotional medicines, great subtext hits me. I am the only person walking in my direction, and everyone else is walking against mine. At 5′11 I can see tired faces trying to make their way home (ever they have one), hoping to see maybe a wife (who might have just arrived from a good afternoon sex with a long time partner, who, for all you know is her true love), a dog (by far one good source of unconditional love and loyalty), or simply sick and tired of a different day same shit routine. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not in the direction where I’ll say “I was better off after all” in a few more lines. It’s just a simple realization of how futile hard work is when you don’t get what is due. Maybe I’m just bitter because their lives maybe less challenging, but purposeful. Maybe I’m just tired of trying to label everything in my life. If I would be asked to express my life in a sketch, you would see a million emotional “Post Its”.
Martes, Abril 26, 2011
What hurtful things are
Hurtful things teach us to accept. But we’re just never satisfied, ’cause it’s our nature to crave for good things. We feel it’s unjust to be deprived of the good things we know we’re worthy of but have just not proven it yet. Or may never prove it at all. Not anytime soon nor somewhere near. We just can’t accept that. Hurtful things just remind us of hurtful times when we were defenseless. These things come back the very instant we let down our guard. Walk down that street, dare look at those pictures, try and listen to that same old song. The only thing hurtful will be the inevitable fact that you can never bring back what has passed.
What Makes Your Day (It’s Not A Question)
Another day strikes me with regret. Sick and tired of the endless questions in my brain and my blogs. Questioning why, what, where and how it went wrong. We often feel powerless over things that we can’t control such as other peoples feelings. But when you come to think of it, there’s nothing anybody can say would make you feel better. - except a timely phonecall
Maybe It’s The Other Way Around
Sometimes we try too hard to reach our dreams. But along the way we realize that all we did was try and never got any step farther from where we were back when. Just when do we stop trying. It’s really wonderful how the human spirit keeps us going. Every time believing that ‘this time’, we’ll make it.
When everything’s real down, I can’t help to think that it’s only me that the universe has chosen to never succeed at all, in anything I ever wanted. Why can’t I always have that something that I’ve worked hard for . Or maybe it’s the other way around, maybe it’s, why do I always work hard for what I can’t have?…
One Of Those Mornings
All’s come to the point where love leaves you nothing but broken pieces of yourself.
It’s one of those mornings that you’d wakeup knowing the night left.. bringing with it something in you; the sun rose.. and it’s brightness washed out what’s left of your tears.
Now I’ve moved on…
It’s when your hurting become something you look back in reminiscing.
Wondering
What might have been…
It’s when your heart stops and rests itself in a quiet place, killing not the person outside but the person inside.
Praying
Thank you lord for bringing the most needed peace…
My mornings will be quiet again, though not full of happiness, it will be full of grace. Sometimes we realize we’ve neglected the little things in our life that brings us little happiness. That little cup of coffee. That beautiful sunset . That loving dog you used to walk. That stargazing you used to love, telling secrets to the stars on your roof. That old tree where you used spend the whole afternoon reading. That person who loves you most.
Its those mornings that remind you of real things; Of little things that keep you as a person.
I loved you.
It’s when I will forget forever…To make way for peace and hope.
The Last Four Hours
This might not be the best of the words to come out of me. Because I’m done with the draggy words and messages with underlying meanings, that was supposed to tell you things, or perhaps make me believe, that you take the time to read and perhaps understand how I really feel. I know that’s never the case. I’m so tired now and I can barely understand what I’m writing. I’ve always wanted to be honest to myself that this is a stupid game of make beleive. But I refuse to, not just yet. A few more hours, if I may…
I’d like to spend these last hours of make believe, in believing….